Various Jokes

Geeks

There are 10 types of people in the world. Those that get binary jokes & those that don't. What is sad about this joke is that the fact that I get it means I really am a computer nerd, but then anyone who has a geek code definately is.

An explanation of this joke.

Life

On the first day...

On the first day God created the dog. God said, "Sit all day by the door Of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. I will give you A life span of twenty years." The dog said, "That's too long to be barking. Give me ten years and I'll give you back the other ten." So God agreed.

On the second day God created the monkey. God said, "Entertain people, do monkey tricks, make them laugh. I'll give you a twenty-year life span." The monkey said, "How boring, monkey tricks for twenty years? I don't Think so. Dog gave you back ten, so that's what I'll do too, okay?" And God agreed.

On the third day God created the cow. God said, "You must go to the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer. I will give you a life span of sixty years." The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. Let me have twenty and I'll give back the other

forty." And God agreed again.

On the forth day God created man. God said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. I'll give you twenty years."

Man said, "What? Only twenty years! Tell you what, I'll take my twenty, And the forty the cow gave back and the ten the monkey gave back and the ten the dog gave back, that makes eighty, okay?"Â "Okay," said God, "You've got a deal."

So that is why the first twenty years we eat, sleep, play, and enjoy ourselves; for the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family; for the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren; and for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you.

Jesus

One day Jesus is wandering around heaven looking for his father. He keeps asking various people & tries the apostles, eventually getting to Peter.

Jesus: "Say Peter, have you seen my father? It's been so long since I've seen him I'm starting to forget what he looks like."

Peter: "No, I haven't seen him, but I'll tell you what, I've been minding the pearly gates now for a couple of thousand years & if you'll watch the gates for a while & give me a break I'll go and look for your father."

Jesus: "OK, I suppose someone coming up might have seen him anyway."

So Jesus starts minding the pearly gates & keeps asking people who are coming up to heaven if they've seen his father.

A little old man arrives and asks Jesus if he's seen his son. Jesus starts getting excited, he thinks this little old man doesn't look quite like his father but then it's been so long he's not sure.

Jesus: "What did your son look like?"

Little old man: "He has little holes in his hands & little holes in his feet."

Jesus: "Father!"

Little old man: click for punchline

Ducks

A duck walks into a hardware store and asks for some duck feed. The owner says, "No, we don't have any duck feed, this is a hardware store and we don't carry duck feed." The duck leaves, but turns up a week later asking for duck feed again. The owner repeats that they don't carry duck feed. A week later the duck turns up and asks for duck feed again. This time the owner tells him to leave and not to come back. A week goes by and sure enough, the duck walks back in and asks for duck feed again. The owner says, "Right, the next time you come in here asking for duck feed I'm going to nail your feet to the floor." A week later the duck turns up again. This time it says, "Got any nails." "No, were all out I'm afraid." Click for punchline

Blessings,
Joe :-)